What did I get for an early Valentine’s Day Present? I got a renewed sense of how mean this world can be. Thanks world. Thanks. That is not something I really need to be reminded of.
It is painful when someone wounds you so deeply that you can physically feel your heart hurt. It is even worse when it is someone close… someone you had greatly (massively) championed and stood up for, taken a few hits for and truly loved. I know that I am blessed to not have had many of these in my life; but you would think that I am old enough and smart enough to not have them now.
I had to take a few deep breaths and a couple of steps back. My first emotion was pain, then anger, then “really?,” then pain mingled with anger.
The thing I knew was that I had to just zip my lip. There were probably a lot words I could have uttered, but I did not. Then when I had another opportunity to open my mouth, God shut it. This is a definite spiritual battle. It is the same spiritual battle so many are fighting right now. How will we ever overcome this struggle and stop the meanness if we somehow don’t just shut up?
I cried, I cooked, I cleaned. I fumed. I cried some more. I got in my brand new shower, and cried some more. (It really ruined the first time enjoyment of the fancy, brand new shower.) Then…. yes, then, I started talking to God about it. I told Him how angry I was. He has my heart in His hands, so I did not have to tell Him how I hurt. But I ding-dang-dong sure let Him know how angry I was!
He nudged me toward His Word… the best cure I have found for those emotional moments, is to seek Him through His Word. I read through a lot of passages. I could feel His peace invading me and pushing out the anger. The verses that I finally landed on were Psalm 4:4, “Shake with anger and do not sin. When you are on your bed, look into your hearts and be quiet.” and Proverbs 16:32, “He who is slow to anger is better than the powerful. And he who rules his spirit is better than he who takes a city.”
It is so amazing how going to God and bearing your hurts and your heart to Him will cleanse you and calm you. It can keep you from making a bad situation worse.
I am so thankful to serve a God who will let me throw a big ole hissy fit at Him and still love me and give me the peace that only He can give. The world—it would have had me wading into battle and splintering precious relationships into tiny, jagged pieces. That is just not His way.
Is the hurt gone? Absolutely not… yet; but He will wipe it away in His time. I have walked this path with Him long enough to be sure of this!
“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” ~ Psalm 9:10)